Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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