So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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