i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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