Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
