I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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