The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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