Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
not ubering you a puppy
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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