Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
