oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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