On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
