Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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