I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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