i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
we should paint friendship bongs
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