in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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