my mouth tastes like poor choices
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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