I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize