i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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