This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
