I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
