Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
