He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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