How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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