tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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