You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
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And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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