I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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