I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
