We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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