R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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