So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize