Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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