She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
