can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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