I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
