I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
