I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
