So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
