I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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