Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
