Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
