Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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