Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize