You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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