he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
