I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize