saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
