How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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