I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
