i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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