Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
