my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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