I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
handjob tips. give me some.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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