Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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