Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
