we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
