And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
