I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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