pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
