This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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