I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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