she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
