I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
false alarm, still single
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
