I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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