Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
