I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
