What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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