I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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