Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
