Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
