I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
