So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
