Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
