this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
