Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
