Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
