nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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