I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
