I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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