My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
