Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
