Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
