omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
