yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
