Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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