Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
