Plan B is the new Plan A
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
